Motherhood isn’t easy. AT ALL. Whoever says it is, is probably lying or is a freakin’ superhuman because i haven’t met one mom that says it’s all beautiful butterflies and roses. Mom-ing is damn hard. But with being a mom, comes a whole load of guilt. I have never had such a rush of guilty feelings that come over me until i became a mom. Even worse now that I am a mom of two!
I’m pretty sick of this pretentious “Being a mom is so easy, my kids are so easy, i just want to have lots of babies because i have the best life with all my easy kids”. No. Shut it. You lying. We all know you are. I think i will appreciate (and even like) you more if you talk about what a shit day you had because honestly, i know you must have had one shit day this week. So, let’s all be honest about it together! I am not saying our kids are shit, I’m saying we get hard days and those are pretty shit – admit it. But the good days make up for those by far! The “I love you’s”, the cuddles, the hugs and let’s not forget those first smiles and belly laughs. Getting carried away now so let’s get to my point… the guilt.
I have been stretching myself very thin lately (not in size, i wish i could though.) I have been juggling our blog, my photography career, my husband, my marraige, my household, my toddler and let’s not forget – little 8 week old Jaxson. When you put it in writing it seems insane. How does one person juggle all of this? To be honest guys – i don’t. Every day i fail at something. Fail to keep the companies we work for in our blog happy, fail to keep my clients in my business happy, fail to keep my husband happy, fail to be a calm and good mom to the kids or fail to be the housewife that cooks dinner each evening – somewhere, somehow, most days, i fail at one of these things. I still have no clue how to manage it all together, but every day i am learning. Fail is a harsh word, i know. Let’s put it this way, i don’t “fail”, i just learn another lesson at life.
So with all this failing (or lesson learning) comes the guilt. Guilty because i screamed at James for jumping on his brother and waking him, guilty because i hardly listened when my husband was talking to me about his day, guilty because i let Jaxson cry while i just take a shower for the first time in three days. Guilty because i see unhappiness and i know i could have prevented that. So no, i cannot juggle all these things without neglecting one thing or another and it breaks my heart in pieces. The faster i accept that I cannot be this perfect TV wife/mother, the calmer my state of mind will become.
But on a positive note, i am adapting and learning each day. I learn from my mistakes and i learn from those guilty feelings. I learn to better myself even though it’s only baby steps. Each day i face new challenges and i get through them, some days are a blur and I’m not even exactly sure how the hell i did it but the important part is, that i conquered. I did! And i salute myself for that. Give yourself some credit, you deserve more than you think.
We are under constant pressure to be the perfect mother, wife, friend. Pressure to be successful in our work, in our life! We tend to forget the smaller things and we rather focus on the big picture and by that, we are burning ourselves out. We need to realize we are human. ONLY human! There is only so much we can take, only so much we can feel and only so much we can do. LIVE each day. I cannot stress that enough. LIVE it. Don’t just get by. Be in the moment. Kiss your husband for 20 seconds instead of 10. Don’t rush your evenings just to get the kids in bed. Don’t try cook the perfect meal each night. Don’t fall in this disastrous routine to just get stuff done on your mental check list. Don’t get to the age of 70 and say, “There just wasn’t time to live.”
Be kinder to yourself because NO woman can pour from an empty cup. You have to take care of yourself first to be the best mommy to your kids and the best wife to your husband. YOU are the glue that holds your family together. #UsMomsRock